Caregiver Anger: The Emotion You May Not Have Expected

If you were to list the top five emotions you experience in meeting the care needs of your aging parents, what would they be? Maybe you would first think of emotions like compassion, love, and sometimes, even frustration or stress. Would anger make the list? In many cases, though family care providers would not wish to disclose it, the answer is a resounding YES. Caregiver anger is common for many family caregivers.

The truth is that a large number of adult children grapple with the fact that their parents are growing older. Growing up, our parents might have exuded strength, health, and control, giving us an underlying impression that they would always be there for us. Watching a decline in their health shatters that idea, which may leave us feeling disillusioned, let down, fearful, anxious, and yes – angry.

As the tables turn and aging parents become the ones in need of care, family dynamics can become complicated. And the negative stereotype within our culture towards aging informs us that growing older is something we need to resist or deny – something that can have an effect on how both aging adults and their adult children handle age-related decline.

Add to that the compounded stress experienced by people who are part of the sandwich generation – taking care of children at home and aging parents simultaneously. Nearly one in three adults with senior parents believe their parents require some amount of care along with emotional support.

So, how might you shift to a more positive mindset?

The most crucial step is coming to a place of acceptance. Laura Cartensen, Stanford University psychology professor and director of the Center on Longevity, explains, “The issue is less about avoiding the inevitable and more about living satisfying lives with limitations. Accepting aging and mortality can be liberating.”

Honest, open communication is also important. Family caretakers and their parents should express their thoughts about what is working well in the relationship, and what needs to be altered. Sometimes just learning the other person’s perspective makes all the difference. For instance, a senior parent may exhibit irritation with being reminded to put on his/her glasses. An appropriate response might be to clarify the reason for the reminders – because of a concern that the parent may fall, for example. A compromise can then be reached.

Focusing on the quality time your caregiving role gives you with your senior parents, while balancing your parents’ needs with your own, is key. Among the best ways to achieve this is by selecting a dependable care partner to help. Connect with Generations at Home at 727-940-3414 to learn more.

The One Phrase to Avoid When Caring for Elderly Parents

daughter talking to elderly parentAs our parents age, it’s not necessarily simple to know exactly what our role as adult children must be. We’d like what is best for them, but if we’re not cautious, we’ll overstep our boundaries and find ourselves attempting to parent our parents.

This is also true when safety is a concern. There’s a thin line to walk between ensuring senior parents are safe, and supporting the independence they want and deserve. All things considered, it was not all that long ago when our parents were meeting not merely all their own needs, but ours as well. The change from care provider to care recipient can be frustrating and painful for seniors.

With this thought, there are a number of elements of independent life that a senior may now be lacking. And if we aren’t careful in how we approach these losses, it may lead to arguments, hurt feelings, and fractured relationships.

For example, one part of senior independence that’s often jeopardized is in others stepping in to take over tasks that could now be a little more challenging and take a bit longer for an aging adult to perform. Even though intentions are certainly good, it is actually bad for a senior’s self-worth and self-esteem. A much better approach would be to allow extra time, and to only offer assistance when truly necessary.

Yet one of the greatest indicators of freedom is the ability to drive, to go wherever and whenever we please. When driving is no longer safe for an older adult, it’s essential to approach the topic with tact and empathy. Neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez explains that too often, adult children lose patience with their older parents, resulting in hurtful comments that may be truly traumatic.

He recommends avoiding phrases such as, “You’re not allowed to drive anymore!” It is much kinder and more effective to give elderly advice with choices, and to engage them in brainstorming a potential alternative. An example of this could be, “I’m sure it’s getting much harder to be able to see clearly now, which must make it challenging to drive. Let’s talk about some options that will allow you to go wherever you want safely.”

Together, then you can come up with an idea that’s agreeable to everyone. When it comes to choices, take into account that Generations at Home’s caregivers are available any time, day or night, to provide safe transportation and accompaniment for seniors. Our services are available in accordance with each senior’s wishes and timeframe, whether that involves a weekly lunch date with a friend, medical or salon appointments, attending religious services, or simply a Sunday afternoon drive to get out of the house and relish the scenery. Call us at 727-940-3414 for details.

Tips to Help Overcome Family Caregiver Dread

caregiver in deep thoughtWhat are your first thoughts as soon as you wake up each morning? Are you looking forward to what the day holds, or would you like to crawl back underneath the covers and stay there? If you are feeling more dread than delight as you think through your family caregiver responsibilities for the day, you’re not the only one.

Distinctly different from anxiety, depression, or even burnout, caregiver dread is an exhausted, heavy feeling of obligation. It stems from feelings of overcommitment as well as the need to escape from obligations. While possible to push through and carry out necessary tasks in spite of these feelings, there are methods to conquer them instead – and regain the joy that comes from making life better for someone you love. For starters, try these techniques:

  • Release the guilt. Meeting the caregiving needs of someone can feel unimpactful, mundane, and simply downright tough. It takes selflessness, which can feel burdening. Yet dreading the daily tasks you’re requested to do by no means reflects the way you feel about your senior loved one. Acknowledge to yourself that your role is not easy, and it’s okay to wish you could be doing something different.
  • Intentionally search for joy. The tiny pleasures each day holds may be diminished by the difficulties. Make the effort every morning to identify five small things that make you smile. Keep a journal of each day’s finds and refer back to it at the end of each week. Engage all of your senses while you seek out the day’s joys: the smell of freshly baked cookies; the beauty of the sunset; the sound of your cat purring; the invigorating feeling of a hot shower.
  • Set boundaries. Designate time every day to spend on pursuits that you enjoy independent of the senior in your care. Plan and look forward to this time when your caregiving tasks start to weigh you down. A dependable care partner is vital to make sure nothing interferes with the important time of taking care of yourself.

Remind yourself that the work you’re doing in caring for your loved one is vitally important. Yet also keep in mind that nobody can do it all, and in order to provide the most effective care for the senior and for yourself, frequent breaks from care tasks are needed.

Connect with Generations at Home’s aging care experts at 727-940-3414 to arrange for regular Pinellas Park respite care services and release the burden of caregiving dread. We’re here for as much or as little assistance as you need to help you enjoy quality time along with an aging loved one and also to rediscover joy in your own life as well. Reach out to us today to find out if our expert respite care services are available in your community.

Balancing Family Caregiving and Work Responsibilities Post-Pandemic

family caregiving while working on laptop at the dining table and sons having lunchIf there is one particular positive after-effect of the pandemic, it’s the attention generated for family caregiving. Managing work and home life has long been a tremendous challenge for anyone caring for a senior relative. As Lindsay Jurist-Rosner, CEO of Wellthy, explains, “Caregiving went from a silent struggle to being in the spotlight overnight.”

Employers were unexpectedly placed into the fire of navigating an environment of balancing the safety of staff with the necessity to uphold productivity. Here’s what we discovered – and what we can expect for the future:

  • More telecommuting. People who began working from home over the last year have, in many cases, proven their ability to be more productive. As a result, it’s predicted that nearly 25 – 30% of the workforce within the United States will continue telecommuting at least several days weekly this year.
  • Lower stress. Doing away with the daily commute opens up additional time for self-care for family caregivers, while boosting peace of mind. This is particularly true for individuals who relied on public transportation and were concerned about compromised health safety. To help boost mental health, many employers are providing subscriptions to meditation and mindfulness applications.
  • A corporate culture of caring. Working from home has exposed the personal components of our lives to employers. Zoom meetings share our living spaces with each other, including the appearance of children, pets, and other family members. Because of this, the workplace has become more humanized, resulting in a more empathetic working environment.
  • Emphasis on mental wellness. Along those lines, there’s also now increased understanding of the need for tending to our mental wellness. A Kaiser Family Foundation poll revealed that nearly 45% of adults experienced negative mental health effects as a consequence of the pandemic – and an even greater percentage in people who serve as family caregivers for older family members. Many employers have started implementing strategies to care for the mental health of their employees, such as offering virtual trips and adventures to give the opportunity to escape and relax.

Let Generations at Home further help cultivate an improved work-life balance with our trusted respite and senior care services in St. Petersburg and the surrounding communities. Regular, ongoing respite care is key to the overall wellness of family caregivers. Our skilled and compassionate home healthcare team is on hand to help with anything from just a couple hours every week up to and including around-the clock care. Give us a call at 727-940-3414 to ask about a no cost in-home consultation to get started.

Tips for Family Caregivers: Three Benefits of Family Therapy

With a serious look on her face, the teen girl looks at her grandmother during group therapy.There are certain milestones we might encounter in our lives that, while not fundamentally negative, are known stressors. Losing a job. Starting a new job. Getting married. Getting divorced. And one that individuals in the home care industry are particularly mindful of: the mental and physical impact on family members who are caring for aging parents.

A number of conflicting emotions crop up for people in the role of family caregiver, and these are increased when trying to share commitments with siblings or other members of the family. There are past resentments and hurts that may resurface, disputes pertaining to decision-making, in addition to the stress of trying to navigate what feels like a role reversal with a parent who once took care of us.

For these reasons and more, family counseling tends to be a great addition to a family caregiver’s toolbox to ensure the absolute best possible care for aging parents, as well as his/her own physical and mental wellbeing. Listed below are just a few benefits of family therapy as parents age:

  • It provides care for the caregiver. Agreeing to the role of family care provider may be daunting in and of itself, but factor in additional responsibilities, for example, managing a home and caring for children while maintaining a career, and you’ve got a recipe for stress. Family therapy helps caregivers work through challenging emotions and reach resolutions.
  • It offers support through grief. Grief comes in many forms, and quite often begins in the early stages of being a caregiver for aging parents, as family members work through the inherent changes happening now and also to come. When an elderly parent is identified as having Alzheimer’s or any other form of dementia, the decrease in cognitive functioning results in yet another degree of grief. A family counselor can assist all members of the family to work through their grief together.
  • It helps the family as a unit. A family therapist is focused on achieving what is most beneficial for the whole family as well as its cohesiveness, through challenges for example, issues connected to inheritance and other financial considerations, medical decisions, and any challenging family dynamics.

If in-person counseling sessions for your family are not practical because of geographic restraints, continued COVID-19 distancing concerns, or any other reason, phone or Zoom sessions can be every bit as beneficial. One of the keys is for involvement to be a top priority for all family members involved, and to make therapy sessions a consistent, routine obligation.

If you need a partner to provide trusted respite care services while you devote the time necessary for family therapy, call us at 727-940-3414. With both a reliable family therapist in addition to the aging care professionals at Generations at Home on your side, your family can deal with caregiving obstacles and enjoy high quality time together.

Long Distance Caregiving Tips: Assessing an Aging Parent’s Mental Health

Senior couple on a video calling using a digital tablet at homeThe isolation and fear caused by COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on the wellbeing of older adults, with nearly half of seniors surveyed in a Kaiser Family Foundation poll stating that their amount of stress and worry was negatively impacting their health. And while it still may be unsafe to visit in person with older adults, it’s crucial to stay in regular and frequent contact, and to watch out for any changes or signs which might indicate a mental health concern.

As stated by psychiatrist Judith Feld, MD, MPH, “If a senior usually really enjoys a call with a grandchild, for example, but that seems to have changed, maybe you need to ask more questions, such as, ‘How can we be of help?’”

Other symptoms and signs of depression to watch for include sleeping issues, reduced appetite, sluggishness, and complaints about pain, which interestingly, can often be one of the key symptoms of depression in older adults. Take note of anything that is out of normal for a senior’s personality and character.

It is crucial to understand that depression is not just an unavoidable element of growing older, and that it can be a serious – but treatable – condition.

Here are a few further guidelines to help thoroughly assess an older adult’s mental health:

  • Make sure the conversation is natural and organic, without coming across as interrogating. Statements such as, “Tell me what has been happening in your life this week,” will motivate a senior to open up a lot more than, “Tell me what your doctor mentioned at your last scheduled appointment.” The goal is to be caring however, not condescending, being careful never to try to parent your mother and father.
  • While talking with and seeing the grandchildren on Zoom is an easy way to boost a senior’s mood, make sure to plan for some one-on-one time to talk, sans children.
  • Take notice of what is going on in the background of your video chats for any additional clues, such as whether or not the home looks clean and well maintained, including personal hygiene – unkempt, disheveled hair, for example.
  • Take into consideration whether substance abuse might be a factor. An increase in alcohol consumption during the pandemic is happening in individuals of all ages, and can be very harmful if there are potential interactions with medications a senior loved one is taking.

If you suspect depression or any other mental health issues in your senior loved one, be sure to get in touch with the doctor right away. Because you are most familiar with the senior, you may be in a position to pick up on signs that the medical team misses during routine appointments, and it’s vital to help make your concerns known.

If you have any concerns, connect with the St. Petersburg home care experts, Generations at Home, for additional assistance. We’re able to serve as your eyes and ears when you are unable to be there in person, and offer a wide selection of customized services to boost socialization and quality of life at home. Reach out to us at 727-940-3414 to find out more.

Advice for Becoming a Caregiver for a Family Member

elderly lady having tea with her daughterIt may have come totally without warning: an unexpected fall that led to a fractured hip and the requirement for Dad to have assistance to stay at home. Or, it may have been building up over the years, such as through the slow and incremental progression of Alzheimer’s disease. No matter the circumstances, you have now found yourself becoming a caregiver for a family member, and maybe are wondering what exactly that means and how to navigate these uncharted waters.

First of all, take a deep breath, and a moment to appreciate the selflessness of your decision. Caregiving is an incredibly rewarding undertaking, yet not without its struggles. A bit of proactive planning will go a long way towards an easier transition to care, both for yourself and your loved one. A great starting point is to consider the way you would both like each day to look and to make a simple timeline to record the daily activities and tasks that will need your attention. For instance:

  • 7 a.m.: Help Dad get out of bed, showered, dressed, and ready for the day
  • 8 a.m.: Make breakfast and tidy up
  • 9 a.m.: Take Dad to exercise class and/or physical therapy
  • 11 a.m.: Run errands with (or for) Dad
  • 1 p.m.: Prepare lunch and clean up
  • 2 p.m.: Help Dad get settled set for afternoon activities: a film, reading, puzzles, nap, participating in a well-loved hobby or pastime, etc.
  • 6 p.m.: Make dinner and clean up
  • 8 p.m.: Help Dad with bedtime tasks – a bath, changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, etc.
  • 10 p.m.: Help Dad get into bed

Your list will be different for each day, of course, but this offers a helpful overview to let you know when you could have just a little downtime to yourself, and when you will need to provide hands-on help.

This is also an appropriate time to establish boundaries together – and also to pledge to adhere to them. Again, these will be different for each person as well as on different days, but decide what is essential to each of you: having a specified time every day for self-care and personal time, when family and friends may come to visit, whether or not you want to maintain a job outside of the home, etc.

Recognize that Generations at Home is always here to help while you adjust to your caregiving role with the respite care needed to make certain you are able to take care of yourself, as well – something which is extremely important to both you and the senior in your care. Reach out to us at 727-940-3414 for more information about our senior care in St. Petersburg and other nearby areas in Florida.

How to Free Yourself of Caregiver Guilt

woman on beach in windFamily care providers give a great deal of themselves to take care of their loved ones, frequently surrendering their own desires and needs in the process. It may seem natural to assume then that caregivers would feel good about themselves, with high self-esteem and sense of purpose.

However, the opposite is oftentimes true, with many family care providers struggling with feelings of guilt, wishing they had more patience, a remedy for all of their loved ones’ issues, or the power to do everything on their own without the need for assistance. They may have set unrealistic and unattainable standards, which may lead to:

  • Bitterness
  • Feeling trapped
  • Not feeling good enough
  • Wanting to get away
  • Loss of joy in life
  • Elevated stress
  • Missing out on high quality time together with loved ones
  • And much more

If you’re encountering feelings of caregiver guilt, taking these steps can be extremely freeing:

  1. Admit your feelings of guilt as well as the particular cause of it; for instance, “I feel guilty because I became impatient with Mom’s repeated questions.”
  2. Keep a reasonable perspective, knowing that all family caregivers are encountering challenges. We’re all human.
  3. Replace your internal “should have” dialogues with a more favorable slant: “It is challenging to answer the same questions again and again, and I’m doing the very best that I am able to.”
  4. Switch your focus to a positive achievement. Remind yourself of the joke you told that made Mom smile this morning, or how much she enjoyed the dinner you prepared.
  5. Be sure to put aside enough time for calming, enjoyable and gratifying activities: engaging in favorite hobbies and pastimes, journaling, spending time with family, friends and pets, etc.
  6. Adhere to a healthy lifestyle which includes healthy eating, striving for 7 – 8 hours of sleep each night, exercising, quitting smoking and limiting alcohol consumption.
  7. Find a support partner. To be the best family caregiver you can be requires routine, regular breaks from care assistance to take care of yourself.

Call Generations at Home at 727-940-3414 for trusted respite care which enables family caregivers time to destress and unwind, an essential element of effective senior care. We’re available based on your desired schedule and routine, with as little or as much ongoing support as needed, up through around-the-clock care. Keep in mind that taking the best care of yourself allows you to provide the best care assistance for the older adult you love, and we are always available to help!

How to Respond When a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Has Loss of Inhibitions

caregiver comforting senior womanAwkwardness. Discomfort. Disbelief. Shame. Most of these feelings can cycle through a family caregiver’s heart when your family member with Alzheimer’s disease displays disinhibited behaviors, such as:

  • Rude or tactless comments
  • Unacceptable sexual advances or remarks
  • Removal of clothes at improper times
  • And other socially unacceptable actions

The complex changes that occur to the brain in dementia can result in a complete turnaround in an older adult’s personality and behaviors, such as a formerly genteel grandmother suddenly cursing like a sailor. For somebody who is uncomfortable, disoriented, confused, or has simply forgotten social skills and graces, these behaviors are actually quite common; therefore, it’s important to figure out how to best manage them if and when they develop in someone you love.

Generations at Home’s dementia care experts highly recommend trying the following tactics when a loved one with Alzheimer’s has loss of inhibitions:

  • See if there is a solvable problem evoking the behaviors, such as a physical illness, medication complications, the need to utilize the rest room, environment-induced anxiety, etc.
  • Remind yourself that the Alzheimer’s disease is to blame, and respond gently and patiently, without overreacting or lashing out in anger.
  • Help the older adult remain involved in appropriate activities based on his or her individual interests. If the senior becomes agitated with a particular activity, change to something different, or relocate to another room in your house or outdoors whenever possible.
  • Pay attention to clothing choices, if removing clothes at inappropriate times is an issue. If the senior has been wearing pants without zippers for ease and comfort, you might switch to something a little bit more difficult to remove when out in public, for example.
  • Be sure that all the individual’s physical needs are met to circumvent problematic behaviors. Maintain a comfortable temperature in your home, keep numerous healthy snacks and drinks handy, and support regular physical activity and movement.
  • Provide appropriate physical contact often in the form of hugs, holding the person’s hand, or rubbing his/her back, when welcomed by the senior, communicating reassurance to alleviate anxiety.

It’s also beneficial to ensure you have enough time for regular breaks to tend to your personal self-care needs and ease the stress that is commonly inherent in caring for a cherished older adult with Alzheimer’s disease. Generations at Home’s caregivers are highly trained and experienced in effective, compassionate dementia care, and are here for you with as much or as little respite care as necessary. Call us at 727-940-3414 for additional helpful resources and to schedule a free in-home consultation for more information about how we can assist throughout the St. Petersburg, FL area.

How to Handle False Accusations When Caring for Someone with Dementia

caregiver consoling senior womanIt may come seemingly out of thin air: you put your loved one’s favorite tuna sandwich in front of her – light on the mayo, no onions – something which usually brings her enjoyment. But today, she forces the plate away and refuses to take a bite, insisting that you’ve poisoned the sandwich.

Or, you’ve presented your loved one with a meaningful activity that links her to a significant time in her past career, organizing paperwork. Out of the blue, she accuses you of meddling with the documents in order to steal funds from her banking account.

How can you most successfully diffuse situations such as these, which are resulting from the delusions or hallucinations which can be so frequent in dementia?

  1. Maintain a controlled, gentle, understanding tone. It may be instinctive to become defensive and argue, but recommended replies may include something such as, “I realize that you are feeling frightened, but I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Let’s enjoy this sandwich together,” or, “Oh no, have you lost some money? Your bank is not open at this time, but let’s go there right away tomorrow and get it straightened out.”
  2. Move into a welcomed diversion. After sharing in the older adult’s concern, transition into a pleasurable topic or activity that your loved one enjoys, or move to another area. With regards to the suspected food poisoning, you can engage the senior in going into the kitchen and helping her make a fresh sandwich. If you’ve assured the person that you’ll visit the bank together tomorrow, a walk outside to view the flowers and birds, or playing some favorite music, could help.
  3. Never argue or try to reason. These approaches very often increase agitation in someone with Alzheimer’s. It could take some trial and error to develop the approach that works best, and that approach may have to change from one day to the next. The aim is to stay calm, patient, and empathetic, validating the older adult’s feelings and supplying comfort.

Generations at Home’s care professionals are fully trained and experienced in effective, creative Alzheimer’s care techniques, and can help with managing difficult behaviors and situations, enabling a senior loved one to enjoy a greater quality of life, and providing family caregivers with peace of mind and relief. Call us today at 727-940-3414 to learn more or to request some additional resources which will help you better care for a loved one with dementia.